Humor: Bitcoin SODLers Now Can Easily Sell the ‘Bottom’ with PayPal

Humor: Bitcoin SODLers Now Can Easily Sell the ‘Bottom’ with PayPal

The crypto-winter is looking like it might become a crypto-year. Thankfully, Coinbase has the astute trader in mind. In an innovative move, Coinbase’s U.S. customers can now instantly withdraw balances to PayPal, making panic selling easier than ever.

These withdrawals are not only fast and free, but they also give users the comfort of knowing that the authorities can monitor these crypto-sales and ensure those funds are safe and sound.

According to Coinbase, “moving your cryptocurrency to cash is easier and more affordable than ever.”

Previously, Coinbase users had to go through the cumbersome process of wiring digital funds to a traditional financial institution, like a bank. Banks begone! PayPal is ushering in a new era of digital currency. As said by Coinbase:

“We’re always looking for ways to not only meet the bar set by traditional finance, but raise it.”

TRON can kiss its lead goodbye because PayPal boasts insane transaction throughput, exceeding 50 million tx per second. Ripple and XRP Ledger seem silly when anyone, not just banks, can send an international remittance for a mere 2.2 percent fee. Even EOS has something to worry about with PayPal’s arbitration-based dispute resolution.

Furthermore, the PayPal app has a functional—even delightful—user experience for phone and tablet. Why anyone would choose to use dApps willingly, other than as a tool for masochistic pleasure, is beyond most observers.

Ethereum-based DApp Ponzi Games Ranking Highest in Daily Usage
Related: Ethereum-based DApp Ponzi Games Ranking Highest in Daily Usage

Like Cardano, users can attach a debit card to a PayPal account for a seamless spending experience. Unlike Cardano, PayPal didn’t need 100 PhDs to build their service. Now that’s efficiency.

Given these factors, it’s easy to see why people should switch to PayPal (PYPL). Coinbase’s PayPal integration is perfect for users who want the convenience of digital currency without the inconvenience of decentralization. Instead of being a decentralization zealot, why not act like a rational person and put your financial and economic sovereignty into the palms of a benevolent corporation, like PayPal?

As the ‘professionals’ on Reddit say, Bitcoin is clearly an elaborate Ponzi scheme meant to line Satoshi Nakamoto’s pockets. However, for those intent on playing with fire, they should consider Bitcoin Cash’s more ethical “reverse funnel system.”

Even respected experts like Nouriel Roubini and other Twitter price-prediction mavens say that it’s better to sell your BTC at highs of $3200 than lows of $0.

The cryptocurrency markets could go to zero as soon as Q1 of 2019. Given those risks, the best course of action for clever holders is to empty their Trezors, empty their Nano Ledgers, and send all of their crypto to Coinbase to take advantage of fast and free fiat withdrawals.

GIF courtesy of Coinbase

Filed Under: Bitcoin, Opinion
Mitchell Moos

Mitchell is a software enthusiast and entrepreneur. His first startup built algorithms for optimizing cryptocurrency mining. Prior to CryptoSlate, Mitchell was a project manager at a firm that built distributed software on Hyperledger. In his spare time he loves playing chess and hiking.

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